Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Well it is December 22nd and I'm not quite ready for Christmas, but I'm hoping I can finish everything up by tomorrow afternoon. I was doing okay or at least I thought I was until I realized that I had been in bed for 3 straight days. This happens every Holiday. I'm pissed at myself for not catching this. I have so much to be grateful for and yet I'm feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes I really hate this disease. Yesterday was my Mother's birthday, and I couldn't get over my pain long enough to call and wish her a Happy Birthday. I sent her a text. I honestly thought that was good enough. Well it wasn't. I know I really hurt her feelings, and that's the last thing I wanted to do. I have just been so agitated lately. I feel like I could just punch a big old whole in the wall at any given moment. I wish I could figure out why I feel this way every year. I mean is it mostly chemical or is it something I could figure out how to overcome. I don't want to be awful to the ones I love the most. Why should they have to deal with this every year? They should be able to enjoy their Holidays regardless of how I'm feeling. I think that's why I try to stay away,but they don't get that. So I end up making it worse for everybody. What should I do? There has to be some way to make all this easier on them. I have know clue what it is though. I'm going to try my best to "feel good" for the rest of the Holidays. (even if I have to fake it) I guess I could try to meditate every morning and see if it helps with my state of mind. It sure couldn't hurt. I need to remind myself the Peace my Kabbalah practice brings me. I know I haven't spent enough time on it lately. Hell I haven't spent really any time on it lately. So I guess today I will pick a 72 NAME of GOD to meditate on and I will give it the time it deserves. Maybe just maybe this will be the help I need to make it through the Holidays. (and all the days!) Life is so much easier when I feel more centered. Okay so maybe that's my lesson for the day - recognize there is a problem and one way to help with this is to stay calm and get centered. Please let me get out of my own way and let the LIGHT shine in!! Remember this!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Hello who's ever out there. I just got back from Costa Rica & I can't seem to get my timeclock quite right. As a result I have insomnia. So I thought maybe just try to get my mind off sleep & hopefully I will just get tired & soon be able to sleep. Because laying in the bed wishing for sleep is just not working. So as I said I just got back from Costa Rica. I got to see the Pacific this time!! WOW, it was beautiful. And I had a really nice time w/ my MOM. We really got to just relax & enjoy each other's company. Arenas Del Mar was perfect! It was exactly like the you tube video - literally. We were at the edges of the rainforest & still right on the beach. The people were lovely. Oh man I miss that deck in our Ocean Suite. I could just live on that deck - read good books, take afternoon jacuzzi's in fresh rainforest water & drink my banana smoothies all day. Oh I miss those fresh banana smoothies so much & the sounds of the ocean & the rainforest just peacefully putting me to sleep every night! I will post some pictures because my words don't do this amazing resort and nature preserve justice.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Hello, well I have a story. I have been waiting for the cable guy for DAYS!! Maybe I should say the cable co. It's not really the cable installers fault. Whoever was scheduling the appt. was not communicating w/ anyone else. So about today. The guy gets here this am & he is working on modem & makes a call to Cable Co. to ask to please turn internet back on. The woman on the other end of the line says, "she's never had internet there" So the guy asks if this is a new installation ? I say NO. Then I ask if I can talk to the woman on the phone. This woman proceeds to insult me, ignore me, and pretty much say Nobody has ever paid for cable at that house!! Well I lost it!! I told her a large cable bill was paid every month. I also said I don't care what you have to do ,but you get my phone & internet hooked back up today without a charge. I have been waiting on you guys for days!!! Not to mention I have been a good customer for Many many years. So it's not my problem you don't know what the hell your doing. You just need to get w/ the program and figure out what the hell is the problem. I don't think I have ever been that rude to any customer service person before. I do feel a bit bad about it, but this woman was rude to me from the get go! She didn't give a crap about my account or me. This woman needs to find a new line of work where she doesn't have to deal w/ the public! I plan on sending in a nice note about the cable installer's. They were very patient, and VERY understanding!! They said hey sometimes you got to get mad to get something done or to get people to listen! I want to do something nice for these guys because they let me have my meltdown and still did their job above and beyond the call of duty. I apologized to them for my meltdown. Now I am apologizing to the universe for putting out all that negative energy today. Giving in to that anger today made me feel anxious and sick. So when I wake in the morning I am going to remind myself to send out positive energy all day. I bet I'll feel a whole lot better for it. I am sorry I got so angry, but all I wanted was to be heard. So I guess that's my other goal for tomorrow to REALLY LISTEN! (no matter what) Oh I also picked up some jewelry supplies tonight and sketched a new design. Remember I made a promise to myself at least ONE thing a day. I know it hasn't been long, but I'm still doing it. Just have to keep doing it. All about the follow through! Well I hope everyone has a beautiful day tomorrow. Peace & Love La
Friday, September 17, 2010
Well, I had a really nice day today. When I woke up I decided right away I was going to do something new. I almost changed my mind. I was just home reading and hanging out with my doggies. (my babies - ROSIE , & LOOPS) But I pushed myself to get out. I went downtown & walked around for a while. I really enjoyed it!! My creative juices started flowing again - THANK GOD! And as a result I've got some great new design ideas for my jewelry. People may not believe this, but I actually LOVE working. (designing) It's just I don't feel creative everyday. TODAY I had an epiphany. I can still work on days when those juices aren't flowing! I can study more about how to run my business. I am an artist not a business woman. And I can't just expect things to just happen all on there own. Today I had an idea to maybe try to put together a really short e-mail (type newsletter) and send it to a few friends and family about what I'm working on and also just to say hello. I need to take more time to cultivate relationships that will help w/ my business & my life! I have so much to learn and I know that there are people out there willing to share their knowledge. I would be a fool not to ask for help or opinions. And I hope I have knowledge & gifts that I can share w/ others to help them. This is what I really want to do w/ my life. And I know deep in my soul that this is what I am supposed to be doing. I create and it's a great gift, but now I must also market. So starting now I am going to study about basic home businesses and how they actually work. I am also going to ask people I know for any advice they are willing to give. I've never been very good at asking for help. I don't know why. It's always just made me feel stupid and uncomfortable. But you know what how the hell am I going to learn without asking for help? (LIGHTBULB) So yes today I am happy. And WOW it feels great. So tomorrow I am going to wake up and be thankful for my life, my gifts, and my few friends and WONDERFUL SUPPORTIVE Family. I need to stay in this positive Light!! (it attracts more positive Light) I know there will be days I will find it hard to get out of bed, but I am going to do my best to remind myself on those days that if I can do just even one thing - accomplish one thing that maybe those days won't be as hard or as many. So this is my starting point. Happiness doesn't just happen we have to work for it, and that's what makes it so rewarding! True? I will admit I'm a little scared. But maybe that's normal. I want to prove to myself I can do this and stick w/ it. So I've got some work ahead of me!! If anyone out there has any words of wisdom or advice about business I would LOVE to hear it. Or just stories to tell that would be great. I've spent too much time alone the past 10 years, and that is now going to change. I'd love to meet some new friends and hear about their lives. I do not want to be an Island anymore. I want to enjoy my life and give it some meaning. I can't think of anything better. Thanks for listening. PEACE & LOVE ALWAYS, La (my name is Lauren but people call me La) and occasionally they call me YOUNGBLOOD - which is also cool. It's my last name and I LOVE it. I will never change it again! I was so glad to get it back 10 years ago. Get my drift? Well I hope whoever reads this has a wonderful day and people who don't read it - you too enjoy!! And please share if you ever feel like it. Hope to talk w/ you soon. Oh - ROSIE & LOOPS would also like to send out some love & Light! Okay now I'm really finished!! LATER
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Please check out this video. It is very short,and won't take much of your time. Malawi has been close to my heart for many years. These people are truly amazing!!! They face so many obstacles, but they do it with grace and strength. Listen in the video for the word UBUNTU. It is part of an African philosophy meaning " I am because we are"
Hello, Oh yes me again. This is going to be it!! At least for a week. I'm going to see if I still like in a week. It's simple, but at least it's pleasing to the eye. I think I thought I had to have something really bold that would JUMP off the page - NOT SO!!! Okay so I guess it's time to actually start thinking OUTLOUD. I warn my thoughts will run the gamet, and at times just seem like I'm not living in the real world. But that's me. I am a dreamer. At least I always have been until recently when I realized I had just accepted what my life had become. I realized I had stopped dreaming. Now that's NOT a good place to be in. I thought what's my purpose for being here? Do I offer anything to this world? Have I brought anything to the table? Then I decided to pick myself up, and brush myself off. I decided I was going to make my life mean something. I was going to start using the gifts I'd been given. I was also going to start once again just being thankful for every day.